In The Secret, the author asks us to focus on good things.
B = Breathing
April 16th 2013 / Tuesday
8:00 am : Perasmian PLKN Kumpulan 2 Siri 10/2013 10:00 am : Already at the dorm
1. Why must we complain when we have God to turn to?
2. Sihatkanlah aku sebagaimana mereka yang telah Engkau sihatkan.
3. Only God is my survival. 1. Jenis-jenis berdarah – luar dan dalam 2. Punca berdarah – salur nadi (artery), salur pembuluh (vein), salur perambut (capillary), primary hemorrhage, reactionary, and secondary. 3. Jenis-jenis luka – incised wound and lacerated wound (luka terkoyak). 5. Patah - tertutup dan terbuka The First Aid briefing is actually quite boring but it's so much more bearable than marching at the field. Anyway, there's just two more days to go till the weekend. My comfort days, Fridays and Saturdays. The human being is a very complex Creation where no one can explain in detail the way Allah has created us. I just cry out glorifying Allah for every amazing aspect of our being, Subhanallah. Most Pure is He. April 17th 2013 / Wednesday 8:45 am : MPK (KITA) - Saya Betul, Sumbangan, Aktiviti Fugel
8:30 pm : Kuliah maghrib.
Kesan-kesan terhadap individu apabila menjadi muslimah sejati :
1. Mengutamakan Allah dalam segala hal
2. Zuhud - tidak cintakan dunia dan segala isinya
Today I found that Allah is sufficient for us. Allah is enough.
Tuhan, don't leave me alone. I miss Min, Lehon, Sheilon, Wada and Athi. I miss them so much that I just couldn't find any words to describe the feeling. :( Tuhan, please relieve me of my sadness. I can't handle it. Demi Tuhan, I miss them a lot. T_T
Kids are always quite concerned about the small matters in their life. They tend to gossip, blame others for this and that, etc. Even I am unable to adapt myself to the way things are over here. I have been conditioned to be selfish over the years, to mind my own business, not to place my hope on others, to just focus on myself and handle my own affairs. How am I supposed to change this attitude overnight? Not that I have ignored my friends. Just that I am used to dealing with my own needs and learn to integrate myself with those around me.
The challenge I have to face here is to keep everything to myself without sharing or depending on anyone. I have to be self-reliant. There are no ways for me to communicate or share my thoughts, ideas or special moments with those around me here for they would not understand. It's the generation gap. Deep inside I suffer on my own. I know that I can't argue, rebel against or raise a complaint because it wouldn't change the circumstances I find myself caught within. I have no choice but to survive on my own.
My heart is devastated. Forgive me Lord for having wasted the opportunity to share with others just how good You are. I promise you that if I were to be someone successful, I will not waste any time in leading others to You again. Deep in my heart, I have always wanted to lead people in worshiping You. I have always harbored the wish to enlighten others as to how Merciful You are. I yearn to be a leader because it's the only way I can improve myself at the same time.
I have nothing whereas You My Lord are everything. I have nothing of my own. All that I have are Yours. Please protect my parents. Forgive them of all their errors. Keep them in good health.
May we all meet in Paradise.
April 18th 2013 / Thursday 8:45 am : MPK (KITA) - Matlamat, Mencapai Keputusan, Persembahan Matlamat - "Everyone can dream". 1. Understanding the whole contents of the Al-Qur'an and putting it to practice. 2. Performing the Umrah and Hajj. 3. Work with an established company and gain working experience for at least 10 years. 4. At age 33, be able to start my own company. 5. Become a leader – Show people the Way of Life, enlighten others as to how Merciful Allah is. 7. Be a productive Muslimah and end up with a successful Mukmin. 8. Meet in person Yasmin Mogahed and Nouman Ali Khan. 1. People might not believe in what you say but they will believe in what you do. 2. Well done is much better than well said.
11:30 pm : I wish to write more here but I am just too tired...... so till later then. Good night.
I gossiped to someone about him a few days ago. Now, I feel like she will spill the beans! I know I am supposed to trust no one here but I just can't seal my lips. I am just human and was a bit too excited and careless back then! 1. "You are the apple of my eye." - someone 2. Come to think of someone who tends to use logical mumbo jumbo when he talks. 3. I feel pity for my parents when my siblings and I left the nest.
Now I can accept the facts for the purpose that I am now here. I would spend my good and bad times for the sake of Allah. I believe Allah has planned something better for me. I will face no matter what comes my way because deep inside I am expecting much more worse than this. :)
They ask me why their boyfriends cannot love only one person? An individual who is already involved with someone else shouldn't belong to another, should they?
Of course an individual shouldn't belong to another but the idea that the individual can only love one person at any one time is somewhat artificial and false – a situation coming out of a particular time, place, and culture.
April 20th 2013 / Saturday 2. I am not dependent on the phone. I can live without telephones but I just can't live without the internet. Surprisingly, I can still survive! 4. We gain knowledge not just for today and only God knows when we will get to use it. 8: 00 am : Meeting with the Commandant.
Today I found myself a bit nervous when I had to speak before a group of people. It's been quite some since I spoke before a crowd or felt comfortable with a new audience.
How was their response? The response was quite good actually and from that I now know who my true friends are.
2:30 pm : Financial Management (www.akpk.org.my)
1. Money is not everything but everything needs money.
2. Pendapatan aktif + pendapatan pasif 3. Masuk > Keluar = Lebihan Tunai 4. Keluar < Masuk = Defisit Tunai
5. Live within your means
5:00 pm : Laughing out loud! I heard through the grapevine that some people had been talking behind my back regarding my opinions (read: complain) this morning. LOL. Things that they will never know or understand :
1. I once gave my opinion or criticism about my History Teacher (during Form 4). Later, all the teachers were gossiping about me at the Teachers Room. LOL! But looking at the bright side, my History Teacher amended her style of teaching and I got better grades in History.
2. I just focus on good things. I am too engaged with what I do and have no time to waste and be bothered with what people talk behind me.
3. Get into trouble, make mistakes, and learn from them. :)
4. We can't change the response that we would receive but we can change the way how we handle them. :)
5. People will never stop talking. That's nature. Just laugh it away! Hahaha 6. Regardless of all the above, I am okay. 1. Once you begin to see everything beautiful as only a reflection of God's beauty, you will learn to love in the right way - for His sake. 2. Everything and everyone you love will be for, through and because of Him. 3. Sungguh, perjalanan ini amat meletihkan kecuali bagi orang-orang yang bersabar. 4. Apalah gunanya bila di jiwa kita masih lagi hijau dan mentah... 5. Quiet people - They never share anything about their work until it gets accomplished. 2:30 pm : Sukan Kreativiti 8:45 am : Modul Budaya Kerja (MBK) – Peningkatan produktiviti, Pembentukan organisasi 2:30 pm : Sukan Kreativiti
8 days left. It's time to let go of all attachments. :( Being at the office, which always made me happy, having the relevant people there and everything else that I have so come to love but have to let go for the sake of Allah. It hurt me a bit when Madam was so harsh this morning. Same with Ustazah. Today is a perplexing day. Were my mistakes that big? I am sorry, I never meant to be critic but I had to just because I don't want to meet Allah in a sweaty way and I prefer to spend at least 10 minutes a day in reciting the Quran rather than be punished by having to climb up and down the stairs. I feel so sorry for being myself...
April 23rd 2013 / Tuesday 8:45 am : Modul Budaya Kerja (MBK) – 10 Budaya Kerja, Soalan, Temuduga
2:30 pm : Ikhtiar Hidup Perkhemahan (IHP) – Jerat, Survival Food, Pondok
If I could just turn back time...
I hate having to enter the jungle! I hate wearing this camouflage! I hate such activities in the jungle! I hate camping!!
And I hate Izzuddin from the very first time I met him!
Kids always think that they are wiser when they are friends with many people. That's not true, kid! Search for the real one - who is there to back you up when you fall.
It's also true that if you wanted to see how smart one is by first listening to his or her words. Then you will know what's on their mind.
So who are the good minds for you to keep company with? Bebear, Fatin, Hema, Thatchu, Ana, Leeda and Asma. I like them just because they don't talk that much. They are good listeners. They talk only when necessary.
April 24th 2013 / Wednesday 8:45 am : Modul Budaya Kerja (MBK) – 5 Jenis Pengamal, Origami Burung, Pameran
2:30 pm : Ikhtiar Hidup Perkhemahan (IHP) @ Camping Survival Skills (CSS) – Masak, SOS, Khemah
Today is the second day of CSS. I don't find anything interesting about that. Camping is okay, but it's not really my cup of tea. I prefer indoor activities. Oh yes, it's just a week more to be back home. Hold on.
1. Calm down 2. Use compass 3. Cari sungai 4. Cermin 5. Api 6. Isyarat batu 7. Pokok 8. Baju 9. Wisel – 6x tiupan pendek, pause, 6x tiupan pendek 10. Torchlight 11. Bentuk –V (kami memerlukan bantuan), X (ada mangsa cedera), I (kami memerlukan doktor), II (kami memerlukan bantuan perubatan, F (Food) A day before my period, I led the Maghrib prayers at the dorm. Since then, they called me Imam LOL. They also call me CEO just because I was the CEO of Fruits & Flowers Company during the Work Ethics Module @ Modul Budaya Kerja but most of the adik-adik here called me Kak Lina, Kak Lin or just Kak. April 25th 2013 / Thursday 8:45 am : Modul Budaya Kerja (MBK) – Pameran, Erti Terima Kasih I wrote 3 separate letters to Mak, Ayah, and Suhana when it was time for us to write "Thank You" letters. I was given a limited time to write everything but it never stopped me from saying "Thank you". Thank you Mak! Thank you Ayah! Thank you Suhana! Come to think of it, I am not supposed to let Mak, Ayah, and Suhana know! Embarrassed... because I wrote it wholeheartedly! I cried while I was writing those letters. Sigh, so ashamed. 1. There is comfort in knowing that Someone always sees our struggles. 2. He is closer than our own self. 12:00 pm : Lawatan Ketua Pengarah JLKN, Dato' Abdul Hadi
Back when I was a kid, I used to wonder why people must greet VIP's like that. We are all the same people. There's no difference between us at all.
1. Strange are the Believers. They see good in bad things. They grateful for the little that they get and are patient during every hardship. 2. "Stay positive. Open your heart to accept it". - Dato' Abdul Hadi 3. "Focus on good things". -The Secret Cikgu Mai and Ustazah teased me that I will become famous when I am shown on the RTM news tonight. It doesn't mean anything to me. 2:30 pm : Ikhtiar Hidup Perkhemahan (IHP) – Navigasi & Kompas
When Suhana didn't tell Mak and Ayah, I was devastated. I felt like how could Suhana do this? :( The other disappointing thing was why there was no such email from UOB? Why they promising me this and that? :(
April 27th 2013 / Saturday
Woke up early today and settled my laundry. Went to have breakfast at 8 am and got my BSN ATM card.
8:45 am : Modul Kesejahteraan Hidup (MKH) – Jantina, Kekeluargaan The results for Form 6 and Matriculation were announced and I realized that everyone whom I was close to were going to leave me. Bebear got her Matriculation at Johor, Hema got hers in Perak, and Fatin was accepted for Matriculation in Pahang. Just when you were getting closer to someone, they are forced to leave you. But I am okay because I know people are bound to just keep coming and going. 1:30 pm : Tazkirah Zohor
1. Selalu solat Subuh dan Isya' berjemaah 2. Solat 2 rakaat sebelum subuh lebih baik daripada apa yang ada dalam isi dunia.
2:30 pm : Ikhtiar Hidup Perkhemahan (IHP) – Mengelak Halangan & Ukur Jarak You can do anything to me. Break me, shake me but don't ever leave me without ink and paper. April 29th 2013 / Monday
8:45 am : Modul Kesejahteraan Hidup (MKH) – Pembangunan Kemahiran, Hidup Tanpa Keganasan, Pelan Tindakan
April 30th 2013 / Tuesday
8:00 am : Going back home!
May 5th 2013 / Sunday
General Election 2013
May 7th 2013 / Tuesday
Interview (SFFP Technology and Consultant)
May 8th 2013 / Wednesday
Program Penghayatan Sastera & Budaya (PPSB) All I could think about PPSB was how nice it was when everyone applauded for me!
"Bila orang puji kita, kembalikan pujian itu kepada Allah dengan mengucapkan Alhamdulillah." -Ayah
You don't own anything. Allah does.
8:00 am : Netball training 2:30 pm : I was exempted from swimming class today! Yeay! MC
I've read about half of the book now and it's been pretty good so far. :)
8:00 am : Sports Carnival Last night I was reminded about the 6th Principle of Faith @ Rukun Iman (Qada dan Qadar) which made me realize just how lucky I am to be having someone who always reminds me about Almighty Allah.May 14th 2013 / Tuesday 8:00 am : AADK Programme
The Uda and Dara stories made me think... We always blame the Decider without thinking about Qada and Qadar. Did the decider want it to be that way? Did the decider ask to be placed there? So, who should we blame now? Should we blame God?
This is normally what society tends to think. They would blame you as the one who's guilty. They never look at the bright side and consider those problems as a test from Him.
1. If somebody likes me, I want them to like the real me, not what they imagine me to be. 2. She has God to give her value; she doesn't need a man to do this. May 15th 2013 / Wednesday 8:00 am : Taklimat Sambung Belajar 2:30 pm : Latihan Tali Tinggi Going back home. Convocation's day just around the corner! May 18th 2013 / Saturday
May 20th 2013 / Monday
My big day
Hi. Sorry for my hiatus for a while. It seems that a week has gone past without me jotting down anything. Yeah, people always say that you will run out of ideas if you're feeling happy and it's just like a machine gun shooting out bullets when you write in an emotional state of mind. That's true. It happened to me just now.
Everyone that I was close to were leaving. Fatin, Bebear, Hema, and Yaya. This leaves Bravo (B) with just 9 trainees and Bravo (A) 11 trainees. As such Bravo company were asked to move in to the Alpha (B) dorm which is nearer to the Dining Hall @ Dewan Makan (DM).
Everyone was a bit upset when we were asked to move because they were getting attached to the Bravo block from day one. I didn't mind at all. But due to such a move, it would be quite a distance from the surau which made me feel not that keen. The good thing was being nearer to the Dining Hall @ DM! Hehehe.
The annoying thing about moving to the new dorm is the irritating loud speaker which keeps squawking out its announcements every now and then. Huh
8:30 am : Kelas Kenegaraan - menyemai semangat patriotisme I miss Allah. I really wanted to feel like this - being so attached to Him. Forgive me God for the weeks that I forgot You. I never meant it.
"Permudahkanlah jalan ini, hanya kepadaMu aku berharap". Here, I am, Amalina who was ready to let go all attachments which made my heart sink. Sorry, there's something much more greater than to love and be loved.
"Letakkanlah kami di tempat yang terbaik di dunia dan di akhirat". Tuhan, maafkanlah kami atas kesilapan kami. Janganlah Engkau menghukum kami. I am so moved. I really hope Allah will send someone new to help me in this journey in remembering Allah. Always.
Today is the Elections day. That means every registered voter contributes to cast their vote to form the government. And we are allowed to dress up. Thatchu, Ram and I just wore our tracksuits and T-shirts while others were all so dolled up. I found Cikgu Linda to be a very nice and kind person. I love her way.
Talking about elections, it's reminds me of my ex UiTM Seri Iskandar Campus Director, Prof Dr. Abdullah Said. First thing that he would ask during the interview is, "Have you registered as a voter?" If we had yet to, he would say, "If you can't do such a simple thing as this for the country, how can I trust you with an important position?".
It's all about responsibility and accountability.
June 3rd 2013 / Monday
Aku bukanlah seorang perwira, gagah menghunus senjata, namun aku rela berjuang, walau dengan cara sendiri, demi cinta ini.... This is not a typical programme you know! It's not.
I am a kind of person who owns a soft heart. It's very easy to touch. Yes, when Cikgu Farah told us the 'Leftenan Adnan' story... deep inside, I cried. I saw that both Cikgu Linda and Cikgu Farah cried as well. It made me so emotional. Oh Tuhan, Kau rahmatilah perjuangan Leftenan Adnan.
I am so worried about the future of my country. What would happen if there are no more good leaders? And what do you have to give to your country? And who would make sure everything is fine?
I must give something to my own country! I love this country, I love our freedom, I love Malaysia. I don't want to be occupied again. I don't want to see my future children suffer in their own land. Please give me a hand to save this country.
It made me feel so disappointed when all the efforts that we did during such a long time gets destroyed in a blink of the eye. "Betapa perpaduan itu mudah untuk disebut tapi susah untuk dilaksanakan." -Tunku Abdul Rahman. It made me realize that everything would be lost if we are not united and fight for what we love!
I totally enjoyed the Nationhood Module and gave my 100% involvement. It's good to know that I was completely at ease and made each day count. It's just 15 more days to go. So what have I gained? Quite a lot, I must say!
1. Getting closer to Allah – praying in congregation, reciting the Quran, Subuh sessions and deliberations. 3. National Patriotism – DKRT 4. Met all kinds of people
6. Gave and learned something
Why is it that when we have met someone who suits us, circumstances would not give us the opportunity to get together? And why is it that when the situation seems good, we seldom get to meet someone who suit us? Why?
8:00 am : Khidmat Komuniti – Gotong Royong at LISRAM It's depends on you how you treat people. Personally, I feel that depending on how nice or bad you had been treating others, you will get its retribution. And no matter how you get caught up in life, keep on going braving it. Keep your head up and move on. 2:30 pm : Dry Run - Latihan Kering
June 11th 2013 / Tuesday
1. There is a saying that "time heals all wounds", and so it was with me. 2. I was crazy about his smile! 3. Whenever I went to the Dining Hall @ DM, I kept on hoping that I would get to see him.
4. I had this feeling all the time that something fine would grow between us. :)
June 14th 2013 / Friday
7 days more to go. Oh God, I can't wait to get out from here. Well, I am already missing home.
Midnight: There are warnings that something is wrong. I need to detach. I really wanted to detach from all false attachments. I am a bit upset actually but no worries, I can still handle it. June 15th 2013 / Saturday I refuse to write a lot today because I am not in a good mood. Surely I will curse in my writing. Yeah, it's quite upsetting today because we didn't get back our phones. Pity me and friends.
My hatred towards the TKP is increased to a higher level now. I hate him so very much! Pergi mampus kau! We have not even been notified the reasons why we are not getting back our phones. Heartless and very cruel is the TKP. I would not forgive him to the day that I shall die!
If the reason was due to some crucial cases before in the camp, why you have to be unjust to innocent people like us? Why??? Your heart stinks and is so cruel!! See! I hate to write when my heart is full with hatred.
I don't know if it's mixed feeling or not. I am actually upset about 2 things.
I am not going to put my heart in the same spot again where it was hurt so many, many times before. Yes, I am such a pessimist.
What I didn't realize is that all the pain I had experienced in life was due to one thing and one thing only - love of this earthly life! 1. It's horrible to know that you can never really confide in people, even to those nearest to you.
2. I am longing, so longing for everything. To be able to talk, for freedom, for friends, to be alone. And I do so long.... to cry! I feel as if I am going to burst, and I know that it would get better with crying but I can't.
3. I desperately want to be alone. 4. My head is haunted by so many wishes and thoughts, accusations and reproaches.
June 20th 2013 / Thursday
June 21st 2013 / Friday